BumbleBee

Monday, November 27, 2006

Missing my family =(

So tonight I'm missing my family. I miss being young and having my parents together. I miss how close Mitchell and I used to be, before he got all moody. I miss not having any cares in the world, just what I was going to play for the day and what I would wear. I miss getting together during holidays, having gma and lynne there. I fucking wish no one ever had to grow up. I'm so sick of everything. I just want to be happy, and I don't think that's too much to ask, but aparently it is. I just wish things could rewind and I could let everyone know how much they mean to me. I wish I could be done with school w/o having to stess out and go. I wish I could be 35, married, with kids and a career, not 20 and struggling with school and stupid relationships. I just things could be secure, and I don't see that happening for a long time....and I'm so sick of trying to hard in all my relationships wether they be friendships or relationships and never feeling like I'm getting back what I put into the relationship. I just wish I had someone around that understood........I'm going to bed, hopefully tomorrow won't be such a shitty day.....I love you mom and Jill

Friday, November 17, 2006

Decisions Decisions....

So I'm trying to decide what I should do tonight....It would be nice to just stay in and relax, especialy since I just got out of work. But my friend Danielle turned 21 today and they want me to got out with. Normally this woulnd't be a problem, but I work an 11:15 straight tomorrow, and don't want to be BLAH all day ya know? But then I'll feel like a bad friend if I don't go out and celebrate with them. I wish I could get Bretts opinion, but he's still at work...no good. I'll prolly just stay in tonight and buy her a birthday beer some other time. Plus depending on how much money I make tomorrow night, I might go out and have a few drinks. Plus i heard that Wednesday night is supposed to be busy at work--being the day before Thanksgiving and all--so I picked up a shift at 4. But Wednesday is also one of the biggest bar nights, so I would like to do that after I get out of work--fun times!!!


I also just want to let everyone know how great Brett is. I was having a panic attack earlier and we went and layed in bed, he just hugged me tight and let me cry...it was great (well except for the panic attack part, lol). I am just so lucky to have found him, and I thank God everyday for sending him my way. I can't wait until we get engaged and get married and all that good stuff. It's sooooo weird...I wasn't even thinking about marriage when we got together, we didn't think we would last more than a month, and then we could just go back to being best friends. But it turned out even more spectatular--it's just so weird. Love is a funny thing--But damn I love being in love!!!

I guess that's all--Just can't make up my mind (as usual) should I stay home--or go out. I think I'll just stay home, b/c everytime I go out I just wish I was home with Brett. Who knows what I'll do though....<3>