*A Halloween night in*

So tonight is Halloween, Brett and I just stayed in, it was nice. I love just getting a chance to hang out with him, especially since I've been feeling so poopy lately. It's so wierd though, because most of the time when I stay in, I wish I went out, but then once I go out, I wish I was at home. I went to a house party a couple nights ago in Saginaw. It was just like old times, a bunch of underaged kids, dressed up in costume, drinking and having a good time, except the whole time I was there I thought "wow, I'm not even having that much fun, I don't think this is for me anymore" and that is wierd for me. I guess it's time to grow up, or maybe I have grown up....and didn't even realize it. Either way, I'm sure there's a lot of growing up left to do :/ I just can't wait until I'm 35, that will be nice...skip through the school and crappy job and just be done with it all: have my masters, teach college, have a family and good life....oh won't it be nice!!! <3 Well in case you were wondering, yes it will.....it will be wonderful!! haha...sorry just a little day dreaming....


I hope this is still around when I'm 35, I'm sure I'll have a good laugh----love you all!!

Haven't been feeling the greatest emotionally :(

Well the past couple of days I just felt sooooo anxious, like no matter what I'm doing, I just get all panicy about it. Driving to work, thinking about school.....I really think I have an anxiouty disorder, but feel stupid going to the doctors about it. I just....I don't know.....feel so stressed out all the time and worried, its not cool.

I guess on a good note my new job is going okay. It is super stressful and unless I take a zantax before work I usually cry while I'm there. (See thats what I'm talking about above, thats not normal!) But the people I work with are great, they make me laugh and help me out alot, I really appreciate it! Plus the money is great, I made $140 last night and only worked8 hours. Thats not too shabby! But let me tell you, I've never felt like I've earned every penny before. By the time I get out of work my whole body hurts, and I feel like I'm at or near my breaking point. Damn I need to go see a therapist or something, lol, I just want to feel normal and happy again.

Brett and I are doing pretty well, so thats good. I just wish sometimes he would lend me more positive support. But he's great, I can't wait until we get married, hopefully it won't take him forever to ask me, since we've been together for almost 3 years now. But there's no way I would get married before I'm 21, I think you should be able to legally drink at your wedding, if you can't....it's probobly too early, lol.

Well I guess I'll let you go, I really need a journal again, maybe I'll find an online journal and just keep it private, we'll see. I love you guys!!!

A night with Sammy!

Well tonight was a lot of fun, my friend Sam just bought her first house in Flint and I went over to check it out, and to help her paint! I never realized growing up how much knowing how to paint would come in handy, THANKS MOM!! :) She took me out to eat for my help, which was very nice, Sam's a really good friend. She also gave me my Christmas present, which was a gnome, so I am psyched to find a place for it in the apartment. This is my 6th gnome now, I love it!!

Not much has been different, staying busy with school of course. I have to do homework everyday, which isn't bad because it keeps me on my toes, but one night a week would be nice without it. I guess I'll get that when I'm done though, lol. Just a few more years to go!

I finally started my training at Zehnders. Carrying those trays really takes a tole on your body. They can get really heavy sometimes when you're clearing tables, or when they are stacked with food. It will be worth the money though, I just have to remember to strech my lower back and shoulders before I go in, and after I get out. Hopefully that will help my body not feel so soar. I also need to start working out again. That will help with the job, but I'm still a little worried that I will overuse my bad foot and then it will take longer to heal, that would suck! I'll just have to do what I can.


I've also been talking to Tommy on the phone, which always makes me happy. I hate the fact that I'll never be as close with him as I am with Mitchell, and we'll never have the same kind of brother:sister relationship because we are so far apart in age and now in distance. I feel like I never get to see him. :( I guess I just get worried that he's getting the short end of the stick and might never know how much I love him. I have wanted a little brother or sister in my life for soooo long, I have never felt a love like the love I feel for Tommy. I just love watching him grow and learn and become his own person. It's amazing, and everytime I see him it seems like he growing so much! And I just feel like I'm missing out on his life and it sucks!!!

Well I'm going to go, I love you guys!!!